Fireside Rants
by the original KeT
Summary: The Storm Hawks talk back about their various fanfic incarnations. What do they think about what the fans have done to their image? Suggestions welcome! DISCLAIMER: The opinions expressed here are not necessarily those of the author.
1. Fancy Legalish Intro

To the Readers:

It has come to my attention that many of the members of the fanfiction community have taken it upon themselves to speculate in creative writing about the private lives of the members of the Storm Hawks. Often _very_ creative writing. As their self-appointed publicist, I have taken it upon myself to obtain official statements from each of the Hawks that detail their wishes and opinions upon these "fan fictions", which will be presented in this document.

-- Adrian Henke

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Wouldn't you just love to know if that's my real name or not? Official-sounding writing is hard.


	2. Aerrow's Statement

**I. Aerrow's statement**

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To the Readers:

First of all, let me say that it's a really big honor to have such devoted fans. When the Hawks got started, I never dreamed we'd have any fans, let alone ones who write lots of stories about us. It's really cool; thanks for everything.

Apparently there are a lot of romantic stories on this site that set us up together and with other allies (and enemies). I've read some and, although some of them are kind of flattering (me and Piper... haha), some are surprising (Dark Ace and Cyclonis) and some are just plain unexpected (Finn and Stork? What prompted that one? And it seems to be popular...wow), they're all interesting.

What I'd really like to know is: do people think that we really are secretly in these relationships, or is it just kind of fantasizing? Fantasizing is totally fine. I've fantasized about being a Sky-Knight forever myself. Sometimes I even fantasize about-- [_portion of text deleted_] Anyway, a lot of you have lots of talent, and all the writers who support us on FF are amazing.

I guess the statement I'd like to make is that even though not all of the stuff you have here is even close to true, and some of it we might not agree with (I have a hard time believing that Finn is going to like all these gay stories about him), our fans are welcome to hold any views they like. It's not our place to dictate what you write; that's entirely up to you. I totally support free speech.

Thanks again for supporting us!

Sincerely,

_Aerrow_

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A/N: Aerrow's deliberately being nice. I know it. Nobody is that accepting. I guess he's realized that any publicity is good publicity.

-squints at crossed-out bit- What the hell is that?

Next up is Finn...


	3. Finn's Statement

Now that the leader of the Storm Hawks has spoken, let's hear from their sharpshooter and comic relief -drumroll- ladies and gentlemen.... Finn! -fanfare-

It should be a Finnfare. XDD

I don't own the Storm Hawks... they own me.

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**II. Finn's statement**

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hay guys! tha finnster here writing a shout out to all our fans out there :D YAAY!!

OK, so anyways, i know you peeps are all like really smart imaginative types and all, but wtf's up with all the gay stuff about me?? Especially me and STORK??? omg, WUT???? not gonna speak for mister green face cuz who knows about him? he's sure weird enough to swing that way lol, tho some of us think he likes Piper cuz they spend all that time on the ship together and shizz. (I think the only 1 Stork is in love with is the _Condor_! LOL!!) But srsly guys, im all about the ladieeeeeess. mkay?? O also, me and Junko are NOT like that (eewww) we're buddies plain and simple ^.^ anyway, im lovin what you crazy chicks out there think up~ tons of these stories are totally funny and awesome!!! keep writing! and if any of you sexi girls in ff-land wanna chat, just PM my main man Adrian and he'll totally pass it on ;D

chickaCHA!! 7^.^7

xxxx FiNn~

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A/N: I knew it was a mistake letting Finn publish his own statement. =_=|||

Next up is Stork... won't that be fun!


	4. The Dark Ace's Statement

_-Author is shoved in front of the camera-_

OK, OK! Um, hey guys. Look, unfortunately there's been a change in plans: Stork _was_ up next, but Dark Ace-- [_voice from off camera_] I mean _the_ Dark Ace has decided that he should be next.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Storm Hawks, unless you mean own in the "pwn" sense, in which case... they still pwn me. I'm just a nerd with issues who has not much else to do besides this. Not a Noob. Just a Nerd.

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**III. The Dark Ace's statement**

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Finding a community of writers devoted to our adventures doesn't surprise me in the least. I applaud their efforts, however pathetic the actual outcome. After all, the might of Cyclonia deserves to be memorialized in every way. Why shouldn't I approve? Admittedly, some of the work is less than skilled. But as that jumped-up little hero would probably say, it's the thought that counts.

I will say it's flattering to come across authors that recognize _true greatness_ when they see it. [_puts hand to chest_] The amount of writing that glorifys the upstart Storm Hawks is inexplicable, but there still seems to be a respectable number of _sensible_ people out there.

And some very funny ones as well. I've been reading fanfictions for days, and I've come across some excellent humor ones. The ones involving me are particularly good. (If The Flaming Crosby reads this, those oneshots were hilarious. Especially the one where Aerrow gets wrecked instead of Finn. Very satisfying.)

However, I have one issue.

The so-called Dark Ace/Aerrow "slashpairing".

I demand that publishing of these cease immediately. Who could possibly have thought _I_ would see anything in that... that... _irritation_? We hate each other's guts. We try to kill each other on a regular basis. We are not compatible individuals-- and in any case, he's a fourteen-year-old boy. I may have unresolved personality issues, but pedophilia is _not _one of them. Any suggestions to the contrary are... unCyclonian, to say the least. Rest assured that my devotion to Master Cyclonis has never wavered, and that there is not a speck of truth to any of those ridiculous stories. I don't care what he says. With that I take my leave.

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A/N: The Dark Ace has left the building. Thank God.

All right, who wants to be next? Any suggestions?


End file.
